Let’s get the bad news out of the way first: There’s no rose ceremony this week on Bachelor in Paradise. Now for the even worse news: This week’s “chemistry test” featured the men dressing up in sexy/creepy bird costumes from Party City and performing “mating dances” for the women. Prepare yourselves, rose lovers. It is… disturbing.
ABC
Kim gets gussied up for the bird-themed challenge on ‘Bachelor in Paradise’
Let’s recap!
Who arrived: The Golden Bachelor’s Faith Martin (carried over from last week); Allyshia Gupta (Grant’s season of The Bachelor)
Who went home: Jill
No new developments: Andrew and Alexe; Spencer and Jess; Keith and Kathy
Parisa begins to realize that Brian is no bueno
To hear Brian tell it, Parisa’s been pressuring him for sex — even though he’d rather wait. “I wasn’t even trying to do it that early,” he tells Jeremy. “She put some pressure on me, though.” But Brian doesn’t seem too put out when he and Parisa win the sexy-bird-dance competition and are rewarded with some “alone time” in the BiP VIP suite. “We’re gonna flock tonight,” he says with a chuckle.
ABC
Parisa and Brian on ‘Bachelor in Paradise’
Unfortunately for Brian, Parisa would rather use their alone time to talk and learn some things about each other. But when she starts asking him basic questions (“What’s your favorite color?”) he gets snippy and tells Parisa to stop being “embarrassing.” Things are still frosty between them in the morning. “It brought up a lot of feelings of doubt for me,” admits Parisa. Poor thing is so upset, she forgets to brush her hair after getting out of the pool, and one of her extensions gets matted. The horror!
Jeremy (a.k.a. “sex bird demon”) has second, third, and fourth thoughts about Bailey
Remember how Jeremy got mad at Bailey when she agreed to go on a date with Andrew? And then he threw a tantrum and insisted on calling Susie to see if she’d come back to Paradise for him? And when Susie said no, remember how Jeremy decided he was happy with Bailey after all? Yeah, he wasn’t. “She’s a great girl, but I f—ed up,” he admits to Brian. (The one good thing I will say about Brian is even he recognizes that Jeremy is toxic. “Jeremy’s been telling Bailey a lie this entire time,” he says. “And it put a bad taste in my mouth.”)
Side note: Jeremy’s “sex bird demon” costume will haunt my nightmares.
ABC
Jeremy on ‘Bachelor in Paradise’
Sean forgets he’s in a couple with Jill
“Sean doesn’t care if I live or die,” laments Jill. She’s very upset that during his sexy bird dance, Sean chose to grind up on sexy Golden girl April instead of her. Making matters worse, Hannah and Wells — who judged the bird dance contest — ranked Sean and April in the top three. At this point, Jill suspects that Sean’s just keeping her around as a “convenience,” and once Sean starts chatting up Allyshia, Jill leaves the bird challenge in tears. “This happens every time,” she sobs. After pulling herself together, she informs Sean that she’s leaving, because they both know this relationship isn’t going anywhere. He does not make much of an effort to stop her. Godspeed, Jill! May you find your person far away from this show’s cameras.
Dale makes annoying Kat his priority
Having cooled off from their fight, Dale starts the week by telling Kat she’s his priority. But when Kat asks him if he’s “open” to going on dates with other women, his answer does not inspire a lot of confidence: “I don’t have any intent to go on a date,” he mumbles. “This is my only focus, so why would I go on a date?” Sorry, Kat — but Dale also didn’t say anything about not taking body shots off of hot 67-year-olds.
ABC
April and Dale get cozy on ‘Bachelor in Paradise’
Get it, April. Anyhow, when Allyshia arrives, she and Dale start flirting during the dance challenge and continue chatting at the bar. Just as Kat starts heading back to her room for the night, Jonathon stops her. It seems Dale told him earlier in the evening that he’s planning to go on a date “to see if Kat sweats.” Oh boy, Kat does NOT love it. And here’s a shocker: Dale denies saying it. “It was just, like, boy stuff!” he insists.
ABC
Kat, Dale, and Jonathon on ‘Bachelor in Paradise’
But that very same night, he informs Allyshia that he’s open to going on a date with her. (When Allyshia jokes about asking him on a date, he replies, “Please do!”) Sensing some tension from Kat, Allyshia chooses the path of least resistance — a.k.a. the path that won’t result in Kat trying to smother her in her sleep — by asking Sean on the date instead. (And no, we’re not going to talk about Sean and Allyshia’s “five senses” date. I’m actively trying to erase it from my mind.)
Still, Dale has a choice. Should he play it safe and give his rose to Kat? Or is it time to cut bait with her and move on? It’s clear both Dale and Allyshia want to “explore” their “connection” further, but we’ll just have to wait until next week to find out.
Lea buddies up with Jonathon
“Out of all the men on Paradise, the only person I have a little crush on or would even go on a date with is Jonathon,” says Lea. Wow, what an endorsement! They definitely seem to be having a good time, but I’m getting more of a friend vibe.
ABC
Jonathon and Lea on ‘Bachelor in Paradise’
Will this blossom into a great romance? Probably not. But it’s looking good that Lea will get Jonathon’s rose.
Gary and Nancy get high on cacao
ABC
Gary and Nancy enjoy a cacao ritual on ‘Bachelor in Paradise’
Nancy only has three men to choose from — Gary, Keith, and Kim — but it makes sense that she asks Gary on the date, because he’s clearly the most fun to be around. Does she begin to regret her decision when Gary starts loudly slurping his drink during their “cacao ceremony”? Possibly. But hey, Gary’s just trying to get the full ceremony experience. “Give love to yourself!” urges their guide. She adds that “touching is ok,” but “penetration” is not allowed. (I don’t think she had anything to worry about, but I suppose the warning couldn’t hurt.) By the end of the ceremony, Nancy and Gary are really feeling the effects of the cacao elixir — and they’re still buzzing when they stumble back to Paradise. “Did you get high?” barks Kathy. Short answer: Yes. Even after this experience, though, I expect Gary will give his rose to Leslie.
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Faith goes on a friendship date with Kathy
Faith, who describes herself as “wild at heart,” arrives in Paradise with big plans. “I might become the ‘ho of the show!” she announces. (She just means kissing, you guys! Get your head out of the gutter.) The 62-year-old has her eye on Kim and finds him “very smoochable” during his (disturbing) bird-challenge dance. Alas, when it comes time for Faith to ask someone to join her on a horseback riding date, Kim is off campus; he was experiencing a rapid heart rate, so producers sent him to the doctor for a checkup. Rather than ask Gary or Keith on a date, Faith decides to invite Kathy — with the goal of helping her friend overcome her crippling fear of horses.
ABC
Faith and Kathy ride horses on ‘Bachelor in Paradise’
Awww, that is just adorable!
The episode ends with host Jesse Palmer informing the group that only three women will be sent home at the next rose ceremony, because Jill self-deported. Place your bets now, rose lovers, and I’ll see you next week.
Bachelor in Paradise airs Mondays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.
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