NEED TO KNOW
-
A man left a party planning group chat after being told he must split alcohol costs equally, despite being a non-drinker
-
He offered to calculate his portion without alcohol and still contribute generously to the event, but was told “everyone pays equally”
-
The drama sparked a viral debate about fairness in friendships
A man turned to Reddit for support after a disagreement with friends over splitting party costs spiraled into a larger discussion about how non-drinkers are treated in social settings.
The conflict began when his friend invited him and his girlfriend to a surprise party via a WhatsApp group. In the invite, the friend stated that “everyone is going to split the costs equally, so even people who don’t drink, please don’t annoy me as I don’t want to be bothered with any calculations.”
The poster noted that he and his girlfriend are the only ones in the group who don’t drink alcohol, and he felt uneasy about paying for something they won’t consume. “I don’t think it fair for both of us to pay for the alcohol (which is usually a significant chunk of the total),” he wrote in his post.
He explained that his “friends like playing drinking games that require a large amount of beer. Generally the cost of the alcohol is a significant chunk of the total cost (e.g. 30-60%).”
The situation is even more complicated because his girlfriend, a student with no income, was also expected to pay equally. “I wouldn’t mind much paying a bit extra as I’m doing well financially, but it doesn’t sit right with me that she would have to do the same, even more so because she usually drinks/eat very little,” he wrote.
Getty
Stock image of friends clinking wine glasses.
Wanting to offer a solution, the poster replied, “Since I don’t drink, I volunteer to make any required calculations,” hoping to ease the organizer’s worries about complicated math.
But the host quickly shut him down, responding, “No, you don’t get it, this is a party and everyone splits evenly, it’s not about the calculations. It’s nothing personal. End of the question.”
Feeling dismissed, the man decided to gracefully bow out, replying, “No worries, I’ll pass,” before exiting the group chat. The situation escalated when the host removed the poster’s girlfriend from the group before she had a chance to respond, which he “felt was uncalled for.”
Later, another friend reached out to him privately, suggesting he may have overreacted. “Man, I have to say that your reaction was excessive, we are adults and we can spare a few extra dollars each,” the friend told him, but the poster remained unconvinced.
“I don’t get it – if I was organizing I would never force people to pay for something they don’t consume,” he wrote, comparing the situation to “inviting a vegan friend to a barbecue and forcing them to split the cost of the meat.”
He clarified that he’s not trying to avoid contributing to the party, stating, “Even if I don’t chip-in for the alcohol, I would obviously chip-in for all the other costs (food, snacks, soft drinks, decoration, etc.).”
He even offered to pay extra for the guest of honor, noting that he would “be more than willing to cover the alcohol costs for the person being celebrated.”
While some commenters suggested there may be a “deeper problem,” the poster insisted that he has “not been cheap with my friends in the past.”
Getty
Stock photo of man stressed out with alcohol present
Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE’s free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.
He also clarified that he only left the temporary WhatsApp group for the party, not the main group with all their friends. Despite the tension, he still wants to celebrate the birthday person and reached out to the organizer privately to make sure they knew he wanted “to contribute to their gift (or food/drink quota, if that’s meant as the gift).”
The pal confirmed there will be a separate fund for the gift, and the poster plans to contribute despite not attending the party.
Now, he’s wondering if his reaction to the request was justifiable.
Read the original article on People
