NEED TO KNOW
A woman is seeking phrases she can use to respond to her mother-in-law’s invasive questions
In a post on Reddit, she writes that she anticipates plenty of “unsolicited pregnancy/baby advice/stories/demands” on an upcoming visit — and she wants to be ready
“What are some firm yet inoffensive phrases I can have ready to respond to her comments, guilt trips and questions and give to husband to use as well?” she asks Reddit in her post
A woman is seeking “firm yet inoffensive phrases” she can have at the ready to respond to her mother-in-law’s invasive comments, questions and guilt trips.
In a post shared to Reddit, the anonymous 30-year-old woman writes that she and her husband are planning a trip to visit her in-laws, and she is “anticipating unsolicited pregnancy/baby advice/stories/demands when we visit.”
As she is now six months pregnant, she writes that she wants to “have some stock responses ready, where we can make boundaries clear and not be ambushed into agreeing to something (like, Christmas or visitations) without discussing it, and save myself from reacting over-emotionally (I know I am more irritable than usual now I’m pregnant!).”
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Since she’s gotten pregnant, the woman writes that her mother-in-law has “made suggestions about ‘multigenerational living’ (ie: she wants to move in when the baby comes) which husband shut down instantly, made some peculiar judgements on the fact that I don’t want to repaint a nursery while pregnant … and there was a bizarrely manipulative attempt to find out what the baby’s surname will be (I did not take husband’s name when we got married) which involved some weird lies about ‘needing to put it in her will.’ “
“In short, she will certainly have lots of opinions about how I should act, how we should raise baby, when can she expect to see us and how much access she will expect to baby, etc.,” the woman writes in the post.
She ends her post with a plea to Reddit: “What are some firm yet inoffensive phrases I can have ready to respond to her comments, guilt trips and questions and give to [my] husband to use as well?”
Hundreds of other Reddit users have weighed in, with many offering suggestions on how to respond to the woman’s mother-in-law.
“ ‘Thanks for thinking of us, but we don’t know what X will look like for us yet’ and ‘we’ve already decided Y on the advice of our midwife, thanks though,’ ” suggests one.
Offers another: “We use a lot of ‘we’ll let you know,’ ‘thanks for the offer,’ ‘we don’t need that right now,’ ‘I need to check with [significant other] and get back to you,’ and even just smiling without saying anything. I find that the more I lower my expectations the easier it is to handle. I definitely got way more emotional about it in the beginning and time and practice have helped me to respond calmly.”
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