NEED TO KNOW
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A soon-to-be mom says she thinks her mother is “embarrassed” that she’s going to give birth via a C-section
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She says her mom claims a C-section “isn’t natural,” and told her, “now you won’t be able to tell people you’ve given birth to your baby”
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The woman says her husband is now “furious” with her mother and thinks she should “challenge” her, but she’s not sure it’s worth it
A soon–to-be mom is upset after her “difficult” mother told her that having a C-section isn’t true childbirth — and she’s wondering if she should say something.
The woman detailed her story on the U.K.-based community site Mumsnet.com, where women can seek advice from other women on interpersonal and parenting issues. In her post, the woman says that she is 39 weeks pregnant, and that she “hoped and prepped for a vaginal birth” throughout her pregnancy.
She goes on to say that “despite doing all the planning,” including a hypnobirthing course, perineal massage, birthing ball exercises and more, her doctor recently confirmed that the baby is breech and she will require a C-section.
“I was upset at first, as I’d been almost looking forward to labor, and I’m quite scared of the surgery, but I’ve come to terms with it,” she adds.
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Pregnant woman (stock image)
However, the original poster (OP) says that she recently told her mother of the birthing plan update, and her mom’s reaction upset her “all over again.”
She says her mom was “openly disappointed” by the news, and said, “But now you won’t be able to tell people you’ve given birth to your baby, as a C-section isn’t natural.”
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The OP says she was “taken aback” by the comment and attempted to explain to her mother that “the only important thing was [the] baby being born safely and me being well.”
She says that her mother then “doubled down,” saying, “But the baby won’t have been ‘born,’ will it?”
“I think she’s embarrassed at the prospect of telling people her grandchild wasn’t birthed vaginally,” the woman goes on to say, adding that her mom is in her 50s and that this will be her first grandchild.
The OP says that her husband is currently “furious” at her mother over the comments and thinks the OP should “challenge” her on them.
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Older and younger women arguing (stock image)
While the OP says she likely won’t say anything because her mom “can be a difficult woman and sometimes it’s easier to just let things go to keep the peace,” she is hoping to get either “validation” or a “reality check” from her fellow Mumsnet.com members to find out whether “I’m being sensitive,” or if her mom “is out of order.”
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The vast majority of post commenters assured the OP that her feelings are completely valid and that her mother is being unreasonable.
“You are not overreacting. That was extremely insensitive of your mom,” said one person.
“Your [mother] sounds like she has ridiculous, fixed ideas,” one person said, adding, “As long as your baby arrives safely it doesn’t matter whether it was vaginal or [C-section] — and your [mother’s] friends really won’t be interested, disappointed, etc. in your method of giving birth either.”
“Why do people make such idiotic comments? You and your baby need to be safe first and foremost. No one I know would make any judgment about how a baby is born,” said someone else.
And while a number of people said that the OP should probably just let the comment go, as challenging someone like her mother will likely just lead to more stress, some people said that the OP should say something now before the baby is born.
One person said, “I would message her saying something like, ‘I just wanted to say I was upset by your comments on C-sections earlier. This is what my doctors have decided is best and the manner of birth isn’t going to make any difference to the baby except possibly saving its life or my life. I’d appreciate it if you could avoid any more negative remarks on C-sections as it’s deeply unhelpful for me at this time.’ “
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