By Robert Scucci
| Published
I recently subjected myself to Ready to Rumble because Tubi recommended it to me, and I now have to write a scathing letter to Mr. Tubi for killing off the last few functional brain cells that I so desperately needed to write this review. For the record, I’m not a fan of wrestling, but have always been fascinated by its theatrics and lore. I was just late to the party, and found myself intimidated by the decades of worldbuilding and character development when my interest finally piqued.
So what do I do with my life to fill this empty wrestling hole in my heart? I watch movies like No Holds Barred, Suburban Commando, and Ready to Rumble with the hope that one day I’ll understand professional wrestling, only to walk away more confused than ever.
The Classic “Yes, and…” Problem
Ready to Rumble is one of those movies that “yes ands” its way from start to finish, and starts by introducing its audience to Gordie Boggs (David Arquette) and Sean Dawkins (Sean Caan). Gordie and Sean are wrestling fanatics who spend their days pumping human waste out of septic systems and talking endlessly about their hero, Jimmy King (Oliver Platt), who’s gearing up to defend his title against Diamond Dallas Page (DDP). Jimmy King’s drunken behavior and opposing demeanor rubs corrupt WCW General Manager Titus Sinclair (Joe Pantoliano) the wrong way, which prompts him to rig the upcoming Monday Nitro event in DDP’s favor, promptly ending Jimmy King’s career.
Gordie and Sean, who act like 12-year-olds trapped in adult bodies, feel that it’s their life’s calling to forge the path for a reluctant Jimmy King’s triumphant return as the WCW World Heavyweight Champion, but they’re met with obstacles along the way, like Gordie’s father (Richard Lineback) pressuring him to join the police academy instead of literally wading through human excrement for a living. Sean, who has nothing to lose after crashing his truck, effectively destroying his poo-pumping business, begins to have his doubts when Jimmy King asserts that wrestling is fake, and that he’s just playing a character who was forced into retirement.
Aiming to expose the corruption and dirty dealings of professional wrestling in Ready to Rumble, Gordie and Sean devote their time to getting Jimmy King trained by wrestling legend Sal Bandini (Martin Landau) in preparation for the Triple Cage match between King and DDP that will surely change the course of history as we know it.
Oliver Platt Deserved Better
As a fan of Oliver Platts work in dramas like Chicago Med and The Bear, I was absolutely shaken up by his portrayal of Jimmy King in Ready to Rumble, which would actually be a solid performance if it didn’t get constantly derailed by David Arquette and Scott Caan’s childish antics. As a washed-up wrestler living in a stolen RV who would rather drink himself into an early grave instead of reclaiming his title and settling past debts (of which there are plenty), I appreciated Platt’s deadpan delivery and sudden bursts of rage when Gordie and Sean push his buttons. However, Gordie and Scott are about as subtle as a sack of alarm locks getting thrown down a service stairwell, and they only know how to communicate through the excessive use of low-brow toilet humor that really doesn’t give Jimmy King much to work with.
I fully understand that we’re talking about a slap-stick wrestling comedy, but Platt could have easily elevated Ready to Rumble’s premise if he could actually use some of his signature dry wit against literally any other lead instead of stooping to Arquette and Caan’s level as written.
It Is What It Is
Ready to Rumble tries to drive the point home that wrestling is the best thing ever, but undermines its own premise by suggesting how corrupt the WCW is within its fiction. After talking about it with my friends who are into professional wrestling, they expressed their disdain for this movie because of how juvenile it is from start to finish. They did, however, praise the actual wrestling sequences that featured WCW stars like Randy Savage, Steve “Sting” Borden, Diamond Dallas Page, and Sid Vicious, to name a few. As somebody who has only casually watched wrestling throughout my life, I was impressed by the choreography, especially during the third-act Triple Cage match.
If Ready to Rumble focused on behind-the-scenes wrestling lore and fighting more than it did on its two dim-witted leads, I would probably enjoy the film, and by extension finally do the wrestling deep-drive that I’m way overdue for. After watching Ready to Rumble, however, I think I’ll wait a little longer because this movie has changed me for the worse, and I need to do some soul-searching before thinking about getting back in the ring.
As of this writing, you can stream Ready to Rumble for free on Tubi.
