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A woman says her mother-in-law promised to help when she got pregnant — but it never materialized
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In a post shared to Reddit, the woman writes that her mother-in-law “talked about bringing food, helping with baths, dishes, laundry, anything to let us rest. She even talked about a ‘meal train’ she wanted to organize”
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“Guess what we actually got? Nothing,” she adds
A woman says her mother-in-law promised all the help she could need when she announced her pregnancy — but once the baby was born, she did “nothing.”
In a post shared to Reddit, the woman writes that she and her mother-in-law are “on decent terms” and that when she and her husband announced they were pregnant, she was “over the move.”
“But that excitement… never really translated into action,” she continues in the post.
“During pregnancy, MIL made grand promises. She talked loudly about how this was the moment she’d been waiting for, how she’d buy everything, set up the nursery, support us through it all,” the new mom writes. “In reality? She did absolutely nothing. No help. No gifts. No presence.”
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Stock image of two women having a discussion
She noted that baby showers aren’t the norm where she lives, so she and her husband “slowly picked up everything [they] needed” for the little one, mostly “second-hand” and “hand-me-downs” from other friends and family.
It wasn’t until days before the poster gave birth that her mother-in-law asked “what she should buy.”
“We were like, ‘Um, nothing? Everything’s already washed, folded, and ready. The baby’s coming next week,‘” the new mom recalls, adding that her mother-in-law then got “offended” because she “wanted to be part of the ‘experience,’ even though she’d been completely absent until then.”
The core of the problem, she adds, is that her mother-in-law “promised us help postpartum.”
http://people-app.onelink.me/HNIa/kz7l4cuf
“She talked about bringing food, helping with baths, dishes, laundry, anything to let us rest. She even talked about a ‘meal train’ she wanted to organize,” she writes. “Guess what we actually got? Nothing.”
She continues, “Not a single meal. Not a single load of laundry. She’s babysat maybe three times in the last 11 months!!! Every time we ask if she can help, she’s ‘busy’ – off on a trip, has an event, meeting friends, sleeping, whatever. 9 times out of 10, if I call to maybe meet in the park or let her see the baby, she doesn’t answer or says she was napping.”
Still, every time they visit, the mother-in-law complains about never getting to see the little one and “how she wishes she could help more.”
“But it’s all words. No follow-through,” the poster adds.
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Stock image of a mom and her baby
When she asked her mother-in-law if she could help out a couple of days a week so that she could reenter the workforce, the matriarch instead “offered us the number of an 80-year-old nanny she knows, who charges only 1.5x my salary.”
“Cool, thanks. But that’s not helpful. That’s just another way of saying no while pretending to be generous,” she adds.
While the poster “didn’t expect” her mother-in-law to raise their baby or go above and beyond, she is “just tired.”
“All around us, our friends talk about how much help they get from their parents. Here, it’s the norm, culturally expected even. Most families have 3-4+ kids, and grandparents are simply part of the equation,” she explains. “They do pick-ups, babysit during sick days, drop off food, help with bedtime. It’s not a favour, it’s a given. And we’re just… not a part of it.”
“We feel kind of abandoned,” she adds. “Like we were told we’d have this village, this support network, and when the time came, it just never showed up.”
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Others on Reddit are offering their own similar situations, with one writing, “My MIL was like this but I knew she was a flake so I planned around her. She couldn’t guilt us at all and it was great. The only issue is when our child got sick and husband and I had to figure it out.”
Adds another: “You don’t want this woman babysitting your child. She will neglect them.”
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