NEED TO KNOW
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An expectant mom said she’s considering hiding the birth of her baby from her parents because they might tell her siblings
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Posting on Reddit, she explained that one of her siblings recently showed up “unannounced” despite them having recently fallen out
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The pregnant woman asked if it would be unreasonable not to tell her family about her baby’s birth to avoid “distractions or drama” for her other children
A pregnant woman is considering hiding the birth of her baby from her family following a fall out with her siblings.
Explaining her family’s dynamics on Reddit, the woman gushed that she “adores” her parents despite one not living nearby since they separated. She said her mom and dad are supportive of her but have both “crossed boundaries” by repeating things she’s said to her siblings, with whom she recently fell out.
“Not just about the pregnancy, but other issues I’ve faced too,” the pregnant woman said.
“One of my siblings, despite the fallout, has repeatedly shown up unannounced with the parent that lives close by and is trying to act like nothing happened, which I am uncomfortable with and have expressed this,” she added.
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Woman in labor (stock image)
The expectant mom described herself as having “fragile” mental health due to her current pregnancy being “physically harder” than her previous one. She also explained that she’s doing her best to “be as civil” as possible with her siblings, while protecting herself during the vulnerable period.
“I’m not far off my due date now, and I’m tempted to make a public announcement telling people not to show up unexpectedly,” the woman posted. “But I’ve also considered just not telling anyone when I’ve had the baby.
“I would love for my parents to visit after the baby is born, but I can’t trust that they won’t announce it to my siblings, and then they’ll turn up unannounced again because ‘ooh, baby,’ ” she continued.
“One of the siblings I fell out with has already made plans to go and pick up the parent who lives further away to meet the baby after the baby is born,” she added. “But the plans were made without asking me or taking me and my family into consideration at all, it was just assumed that it would be acceptable.”
The expectant mom explained that her reluctance to announce the birth of her baby is because she wants to “enjoy the peace a little bit.” She also shared a desire to develop a routine for her other children once the newborn arrives that doesn’t involve “distractions or drama.”
Despite most of her friends reassuring her that it’s a good idea not to announce the birth, the pregnant woman was curious what Reddit users would say. “So WIBTA [will I be the a—–] for not telling them despite all they’ve done for me?” she asked of her parents.
The majority of responses to the post advised the woman to set boundaries with her family. They argued that it’s acceptable for her not to want visitors, but said she should tell her relatives that she needs space as part of her baby’s birth announcement.
Others encouraged the woman to repair the rift with her siblings because “life is short.”
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Woman and baby in hospital bed (stock image)
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“I think you are inviting a lot more drama than you might be ready for by not telling them,” one person commented. “This is going to be seen as a very aggressive move by your parents. If you’re ready for that — great… but it already sounds like you struggle a lot with establishing healthy boundaries with your family.”
“Better to be up front and blunt about what the consequences are going to be (lowered contact most likely) if they overstep and bring siblings around that you don’t want to see after the baby comes,” the same commenter continued. “You’re NTA [not the a—–], but I think you are setting yourself up for a lot of stress if you hide the birth from your parents.”
Another wrote, “Cutting out your parents (and your siblings) from the day of birth, and the first days of baby, is pretty big. But if you are absolutely sure that this is what you need.. NTA.”
“Be VERY clear in your communication that you need the first week total rest, meaning no visitors and no surprises and no exceptions,” the same commenter added. “Also, be clear to people, especially parents, when you tell them what information they can and can’t share.”
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