NEED TO KNOW
A woman explained that she plans to ditch her friend’s birthday party for another friend’s last-minute wedding
She said her friend, now upset, dislikes people “who flake”
The woman shared her story on Reddit, where opinions are divided over whether she mishandled the situation
A woman said she’s ditching a friend’s birthday lunch for another friend’s last-minute wedding, but she’s not sure she’s making the right decision.
The 29-year-old woman detailed her story on Reddit’s “Am I the A——?” forum, where she said that her friend “Sarah” invited her to an annual birthday lunch scheduled for the end of September. She explained that the lunch will be held in about a five-hour drive away from where she lives.
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The original poster (OP) went on to explain that she recently received an invitation from their mutual friend “Katie” for a “very last-minute” wedding scheduled in the same city as the birthday party, just one week later.
While the OP said Katie has been engaged for about “three years,” she also said that the invite “really came out of nowhere,” and so Katie said “she understood if people couldn’t make it.”
And while the Reddit user said she RSVP’d “yes” to the wedding, she now feels as though she’s “in a bind.”
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A table at a wedding reception (stock image)
“Whether I drive five hours or take multiple trains ($200), it’s a long and expensive trip. Doing it once for Sarah’s birthday was fine, but doing it again the next weekend for Katie’s wedding is overwhelming,” she said. “I’m also dealing with unexpected financial strain and bracing for loan repayment for my master’s this fall.”
The OP said that, because of this, she ultimately backed out of Sarah’s birthday lunch — though she offered to celebrate with her another time.
“I’m just being realistic,” she continued. “Two back-to-back weekends is a lot for someone coming from so far out of town.”
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However, the OP said that “Sarah didn’t take that well,” and made it clear that she hoped all their friends would attend both events.
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A stressed woman (stock image)
The OP also said that Sarah “distances herself from friends who flake,” and she’s worried that she might be unfairly “lumped into that category for setting a boundary.”
“To me, a wedding (even a small one) carries more social weight than a recurring birthday lunch […], but I also get that Sarah made her plans first and that canceling after committing can sting,” she wrote.
“So, AITA [am I the a——]?” the woman asked at the end of her post.
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A number of Reddit users said that they thought the OP was in the wrong in this scenario — and that they understood why Sarah was upset.
“Sorry, but YTA [you’re the a——] on this one. You honor the commitments you make. It isn’t Sarah’s fault that Katie didn’t plan better for her wedding date.”
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A wedding ceremony setup (stock image)
“YTA,” said someone else. “You had already committed to Sarah. It doesn’t matter that her birthday happens every year […], you committed to go. Beyond that, it’s super tacky to tell someone you will no longer attend their birthday because a new event is the next weekend.”
Another person said, “Ditching Sarah’s long-planned event for Katie’s (who even said she understands if people can’t make it) last-minute event signals to Sarah that you don’t value her friendship the same. You RSVP’d yes [and] that’s a commitment. Sarah has every right to feel hurt.”
One person, however, said that they think the real problem has more to do with Sarah and Katie’s dynamic.
“NTA [not the a——],” they said. “You all are in the same longtime friend group. Katie is finally getting married. But, Sarah didn’t respond with a ‘no problem, let’s support Katie,’ and Katie planned her wedding too close to Sarah’s birthday. To an outsider, it seems like these two aren’t very considerate of each other.”
The same person continued, “It sounds like you’ve faithfully attended Sarah’s birthday celebrations in the past and want to make this one exception for a bigger life event. Your offer to meet up with Sarah after the wedding is a fair compromise on your part.”
Read the original article on People
