Jenna Bush Hager, the host of TODAY With Jenna and Friends, and guest host (and sister!) Barbara Pierce Bush are featured in our “Modern Manners for Your Social Dilemmas” column in the Summer 2025 issue of REAL SIMPLE Magazine. Jenna and her guest host dish out honest, heartfelt advice on air (watch live on weekdays at 10 a.m. ET). Then check out their advice on a variety of social quandaries—including figuring out who to invite to a wedding.
Want advice on a sticky social situation? Email Jenna at modernmanners@realsimple.com, and she and her guest might offer up some sage advice for you in an upcoming issue of REAL SIMPLE.
The Right Time to Send a Thank-You Note
Melissa asks… What’s the timeline for sending thank-you notes for wedding shower and wedding gifts? I know they used to say you had a year for wedding gifts. That feels like way too long. Thoughts?
Barbara Pierce Bush: I think a year feels long, but at the same time, you want to be living in the moment. You want to be relishing the experience and feeling loved right after your wedding and shower, rather than stressing about checking things off your to-do list.
Jenna Bush Hager: Yes, you want to be present, so take your time. Once you have a little extra time, sit down and write your thank-you notes. The most important thing is to do it. If you do it sooner rather than later, then it won’t fall off your to-do list, but no pressure. My advice is to get it done within the first seven to eight months.
BPB: Yes, give yourself the gift of time. When you do sit down to write them, try to make them as personal as you can. Talk about how you’ll use the gift, include a memory of your interactions at the shower or wedding, and go for thoughtful over generic. Congratulations, by the way!
How to Politely Exclude Someone From a Family Photo
Kathleen asks… My nephew brought his girlfriend to my daughter’s wedding as his plus-one. When it was time to take a formal photo of the extended family, she posed with the family. If it were any ordinary family photo, or if they were engaged, I wouldn’t have had a problem including her. However, in this instance, I think she should have stepped out. My husband thinks it’s no big deal. As the mother of the bride, what should I have done in this uncomfortable situation?
JBH: I think it’s fine for her to be in some, but then you can always say, “It’s time for one with just the family!” If you need to be more direct, you could say, “We’ll take a photo with you, and then we’ll do one without—just so we can get a family photo.” I have to think she’ll get it.
BPB: I had the same thought. So often we worry about hurting people’s feelings, but honestly, they almost always tend to understand. If you didn’t want to be the bad guy, you could’ve asked the photographer in advance to say they need one of just the family. But that assumes you could have anticipated the issue, and it sounds like it was surprising. If you got out of there with a decent photo and no feelings hurt, you did good, Mom!
“So often we worry about hurting people’s feelings, but honestly, they almost always tend to understand.”
Barbara Pierce Bush
The Right Time to Change Your Married Name
Diane asks… My brother is engaged, and the wedding isn’t for 10 months. His fiancée is using his last name already. I find it very strange to do so before the wedding. Is this acceptable?
JBH: I’ve never heard of this happening before! But it’s kinda cute, actually. I would feel lucky that your future sister-in-law loves your brother so much and is proud to be part of your family. That could be why she’s taken the last name early.
BPB: I agree! It sounds like she already feels welcomed and embraced as part of your family, and that’s lovely.
JBH: Also: That paperwork is annoying, so maybe she just wanted to get it out of the way.
Figuring Out Who to Invite to a Wedding
Kris asks… My daughter’s wedding is coming up, and she doesn’t want to invite a longtime friend of mine. They used to be close too but no longer are. The invite would help keep the peace between me and this friend, but it’s my daughter’s day. What do I say to my friend when she asks why she wasn’t invited? For what it’s worth, she’s the reason her relationship with my daughter deteriorated.
BPB: I love that you’ve acknowledged that it’s your daughter’s day. What’s most important is that she feels confident and happy and surrounded by love at her wedding. While that might put you in an uncomfortable position with your friend, the day is about your daughter.
JBH: It’s OK to let your friend know that you’re just following your daughter’s lead. The day is obviously about your daughter, and hopefully, if she’s a good friend, she’ll understand that and it will be fine. If she’s hurt, you may have to have a hard conversation so your daughter doesn’t have to have it. Either way, maybe take your friend out to lunch and have a day for just the two of you.
Have an Etiquette Question?
Email Jenna at modernmanners@realsimple.com.
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