By now, most of us can admit that things feel a little… stale. Even if your calendar’s full, your inbox is overflowing, and your coffee’s still hot when you remember it, something’s off. The days blur together. You eat at the same handful of restaurants. You rewatch the same TV shows. Even your so-called spontaneity is scheduled. It’s not exactly burnout either; it’s more like being trapped in a lukewarm routine. And it turns out, you’re not the only one.
According to a 2024 survey from Talker Research, more than one in three Americans say they feel socially stuck in a rut, with nearly 40% admitting they haven’t made a new friend in over a year. Going to concerts has become rare, and group vacations are even rarer.
And while the pandemic may have started the trend, it’s sticking around and becoming a thing of its own. Luckily, there’s a fix that may be simple for many people and surprisingly effective. It’s called the Take a Dozen Rule, and psychologist Shigehiro Oishi swears by it.
What Is the Take a Dozen Rule?
Image via Unsplash/Julia Taubitz
Shigehiro, a happiness researcher and professor at the University of Chicago, coined the rule to nudge people out of their comfort zones and into something he calls “psychological richness.” Most of us chase happiness or life satisfaction, but he argues that we ignore a key ingredient of a good life: interesting experiences.
So here’s how it works. Before committing to something familiar like a restaurant, a romantic partner, or a new apartment, consider at least twelve options before deciding on one. This trick is backed by real insight into how the human brain tends to settle early and underestimate the benefits of exploration.
No good will come out of exhausting yourself comparing pad thai spots or speed dating half the city. Exploration in this sense is about mentally permitting yourself to stay curious. You might still end up at your neighborhood sushi place or with your original apartment pick, but you’ll know you explored your options. And that’s the mental shift that breaks the rut.
Why We Stick With What We Know
Your social life shrunk post-2020, you’re not imagining it. A study by MIT’s Sociotechnical Systems Research Center found that urban exploration dropped sharply during the pandemic and hasn’t bounced back. Using anonymized mobile phone data from cities like Boston and Seattle, researchers saw that people are still 30% less likely to visit places outside their usual socioeconomic zone, even after lockdowns ended.
That means fewer chance encounters, fewer unexpected discoveries. We’re going out again, but we’re mostly going to the same places, with the same people, in the same neighborhoods. If life feels a little smaller these days, that’s probably why.
And while comfort has its perks, psychologists warn that too much routine can chip away at creativity, motivation, and joy. Therapy Chicago puts it this way: “Feeling stuck is your mind and body telling you to try something new.”
Small Shifts
So, what does it look like to use the Take a Dozen Rule in real life?
Let’s say you’re thinking about picking a new brunch spot. Instead of defaulting to the one with bottomless mimosas and that one waiter who remembers your name, look up twelve local joints you haven’t tried. It’s a chance to explore different parts of town, chat with strangers, or find something unexpectedly great. In the worst-case scenario, you might not love the eggs. In the best case, you’ll feel a little more alive.
The same goes for vacations. If your friend group keeps saying “let’s just go back to Cabo,” put twelve new destinations on the table. Looking forces you to imagine what else is out there, and that alone can break mental gridlock.
There’s a reason Shigehiro compares humans to pigeons. Both creatures are more comfortable with familiarity than they should be. But when we gently push ourselves toward newness, even in small ways, we give our brains the stimulation they quietly crave.
According to that same Talker Research survey, 76% of Americans miss their friends and want to spend more quality time together. The problem isn’t the desire but the inertia. People don’t know how to break the cycle of “let’s hang soon” texts and endless group chats that lead nowhere.
The Take a Dozen Rule gives you a starting point. Try twelve coffee shops, suggest twelve possible dates, throw out twelve weekend getaway ideas, and see which one finally sticks.
It Doesn’t Have to Be Grand
You don’t need to reinvent your life overnight. You don’t even need to make twelve new friends. But maybe you could text someone you haven’t seen in months, walk a different route to work, or even read a genre you usually avoid. The rut you’re in didn’t appear suddenly, and you won’t escape it in one dramatic leap. But twelve small tries can get you moving again. And once you’re moving, you’re not stuck anymore.
