Donald Trump praised his own accomplishments and signed a slew of new executive orders in the cold open of the May 3 episode of “Saturday Night Live.” James Austin Johnson reprised his role as the president, who was visited by Stephen Miller (Mikey Day) and Marco Rubio (Marcello Hernández) while pushing forward his agenda.
While introducing himself, Trump referred to himself as “Your next pope,” nodding to Trump’s real-life AI-generated image of himself as the Pope he recently posted.
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He then congratulated himself for “100 years … I mean days” in office, with Miller entering to help Trump sign more executive orders.
Among the changes he proclaimed:
*Cancelling funding for PBS and “Sesame Street” has been canceled, and now Elmo has been apprehended by ICE, which, according to Trump, is ‘brought to you by the letter ‘L’ for El Salvador … He isn’t coming back.”
*Creating the Belichick law: “We’re going to make girlfriends hot again!”
*Pardoning J.K. Rowling for her anti-trans rhetoric, especially after she created the Harry Potter Wizarding World franchise, “a wonderful place for overweight millennials to stake their entire identity, well past the point of it being cute.”
*Outlaw ghosts, because, according to Trump, “Every Christmas Eve, I get visited by three ghosts. I don’t know what the hell they’re talking about. They’re like, ‘Sir, you have to change. You have to change. You did bad things, and you have to change.’ And I’m like, ‘Stop rattling those chains, OK? I’m trying to enjoy my dark, lonely Christmas eve.’”
Watch the cold open below.
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