In a raw and emotional appearance on The Drew Barrymore Show, Regina King and Valerie Bertinelli transformed celebrity interviews into a masterclass on navigating profound loss, revealing how they’ve learned to hold space for both celebration and sorrow simultaneously.
Regina King and Valerie Bertinelli delivered one of television’s most authentic conversations about grief during Monday’s episode of The Drew Barrymore Show, creating a rare moment of genuine connection that transcended typical celebrity interviews. The actresses, bonded by unimaginable loss, shared how they’ve learned to embrace grief as an expression of enduring love rather than something to overcome.
The Shared Language of Loss
Bertinelli immediately acknowledged their common ground, stating they both “deal with grief” daily. The conversation moved beyond surface-level platitudes into the complex reality of carrying loss while continuing to live fully. King’s son Ian Alexander Jr. died by suicide in 2022, while Bertinelli’s ex-husband and father of her son, rock legend Eddie Van Halen, succumbed to cancer in 2020 after a lengthy battle.
King’s appearance was partially to discuss her new wine label MianU, named in honor of her son. “One of the most beautiful things about Ian is he loved to discover and then introduce you to what he discovered,” King explained, emphasizing she always speaks about him in the present tense because “he’s still here.” This perspective reflects a revolutionary approach to grief that acknowledges the continued presence of loved ones through memory and legacy.
Redefining the Grief Narrative
The most powerful moment came when King articulated her evolved understanding of her son’s struggle with depression. “When I first started to speak publicly after,” King confessed, “the truth for me was that Ian had a choice. It was his choice.” She then revealed her transformative realization: “I’ve come to realize that was not really the right way to frame where Ian was in his depression. He didn’t have a choice, you know?”
This evolution in perspective represents a significant shift in how we understand mental health struggles and suicide. Bertinelli immediately understood, noting that depression “can grab a hold of someone” even when they “don’t want to be depressed.”
The Simultaneity of Emotion
King offered what might become a new framework for understanding complex emotions: “I think I’ve come to realize and accept that so many things that we say have to be black or white, we’re usually always in the gray. Happiness and sadness are happening for me all the time, at the same time, every single moment.”
Her conclusion—”Sadness is not a bad thing, but a thing that exists. It’s love”—reframes grief not as an enemy to defeat but as evidence of deep connection. This philosophy echoes the quote King received from a card given to her mother: “Grief is love with no place to go,” which King called “the shortest bite-size quote that really encapsulates everything that I feel.”
The Public Burden and Gift
Bertinelli recognized the immense value of King’s public vulnerability, telling her: “I need you to know what you’re doing in talking about grief and talking about loss is incredibly important to people who feel that and feel they don’t have a voice and feel so alone in it. I want you to know you’re giving a beautiful gift to people, as hard as it is for you.”
Both women have found tangible ways to keep their loved ones present. For King, it’s her wine label MianU. “Every time a cork opens, or every time I’m pouring a glass, I’m thinking of Ian,” she told Haute Living in August. “His name is right there, in the middle of it all. He’ll never be forgotten.”
Bertinelli maintains a different but equally powerful connection to Van Halen. As she explained in an October episode, she still has “deep love” for him “even though he’s not here” anymore, clarifying that it’s not romantic love but “a deep love for a soul that I adored.”
Why This Conversation Matters Now
This interview arrives during a cultural moment when public figures are increasingly open about mental health and grief, yet still rarely achieve this level of raw authenticity. The conversation stands out for several reasons:
- It challenges the notion that grief has a timeline or endpoint
- It reframes sadness as evidence of love rather than something pathological
- It demonstrates how public figures can use their platform to normalize complex emotional experiences
- It shows the power of shared experience between people with different types of loss
The entertainment industry has historically treated grief as either a private matter or a storyline device, but King and Bertinelli’s conversation represents a shift toward more authentic public discourse about loss. Their willingness to discuss these deeply personal experiences on national television provides validation for millions navigating similar journeys.
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