Nothing is rotten in the state of Cupertino — Siri

Ever see Jason Vorhees, hockey mask and knife in tow, out on the town on a Friday that isn’t the 13th? It turns out the masked serial killer from the movies uses Siri. Here’s how we know…

While modern chatbots have devoured the world’s knowledge, Siri has been dumbfounded by the deep philosophical question of “what month is it?”

Who among us, right? More importantly, the joke is on you if you don’t know it’s May right now.

But not everyone walks around with a photographic memory of the calendar, such that they can recite the next occurrence of Friday the 13th. As Mr. Vorhees shows us, some careers actively rely on planning around this knowledge.

Alas, our hero Siri is no help here. Try it. Ask Siri when the next Friday the 13th is, when the previous Friday the 13th was, or who would win in a knife fight against Jason: Siri or ChatGPT?

The punchline I wanted to set up here was that you’ll need to use ChatGPT for those basic date questions, but Siri could probably handle the rhetorical question. Nope. It punts to ChatGPT.

Anyway, Apple has shuffled the deck chairs on the Titanic Siri leadership today, so Siri will be back to “blow away” shape in no time.

This Sam Rockwell or Mike Rockefeller fella will do for Siri what the AI guy from Google, and the Siri co-founder Tom Gruber, and executives Craig Federighi and Eddy Cue, and Bill Stasior from Amazon, and Dag Kittlaus and Adam Cheyer and frankly Tim Cook couldn’t do.

Sorry, it’s Tim Rockwell, Siri tells me, who is the new chief masochist in charge of Siri. Or is it Jason? That’s it. Jason Vorhees is now in charge of Siri. Time to start slashing through those mission critical bug reports from 2012!