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A woman shared on Mumsnet that she is expecting her first baby, but feels disappointed by her in-laws’ “lack of support/care/interest” amid her pregnancy
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She said her mother-in-law has not reached out to her at all to see how she’s doing, but has a lot of opinions about how her future granddaughter should be raised
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The expectant mom sought advice from Mumsnet readers, asking if they think this could simply be “an in-law thing” or if she’s justified in feeling unsupported
A woman is feeling hurt and put off by her in-laws’ lukewarm response to her pregnancy.
She vented about the situation in a post on the U.K.-based community forum Mumsnet, beginning by sharing some background. She said she and her husband, who have been married for five years and together for 10, are expecting their first baby, a girl. Up until now, the OP (original poster) has had what she describes as “a good relationship” with her husband’s parents, who live just minutes away “by foot.”
“Despite this, I am nearly 9 months pregnant and have barely heard from them the whole pregnancy — not in person, not via text,” she wrote. “I always prompt DH [dear husband] to send our [ultrasound] pictures to them, which he does, but not once have they reached out to see how I am, if I need anything, etc.”
Related: Woman’s Mother-in-Law Posts That She’s in Labor on Social Media Before the New Mom Can Even Tell Her Friends
According to the OP, the only time her mother-in-law has been in touch was to ask if she could tell people in her circle the news about the baby on the way. Meanwhile, the expectant mom has reached out to her in-laws numerous times to send well-wishes on their birthdays and holidays.
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An older couple and younger woman arguing (stock image)
While the OP’s mother-in-law has seemingly shown little interest in her pregnancy, she does have a lot of opinions about raising her granddaughter — including “when baby should be sleeping over at theirs, where they should be going to school, even what they should be called.”
Making the OP feel even more rebuffed, she said, is the fact that her mother-in-law has been talking excitedly about the pregnancy with other family members, but not with her.
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“At one point, MIL even sent our baby’s scan on to our sister-in-law (DH’s brother’s girlfriend, who I also have a great relationship with) and said how gorgeous baby was etc., how she looked just like the rest of the family on her side, but nothing to me. We only found out because SIL excitedly messaged us,” she wrote.
The OP said she’s been fortunate that her own mother and father check in with her often, especially as “this hasn’t been an easy pregnancy at all” due to “lots of health issues.” Her husband has also been “wonderful” and caring toward her.
She did note that her in-laws have expressed that they plan to come to the hospital “straight away” when the baby is born, and have also gifted the couple various items for the newborn.
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An older woman and young couple arguing (stock image)
“But I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable to have expected MIL and FIL to be more involved/caring?” she asked fellow Mumsnet users. “Perhaps it’s just an ‘in-law’ thing — would be good to get opinions from those who are MIL/FILs themselves and those with them. AIBU [am I being unreasonable] to be a little disappointed at the lack of support/care/interest?”
The OP also shared that her “main gripe” is that she knows her in-laws will “all of a sudden take a super interest” in the baby once she arrives.
“To me, this would feel a bit unfair at a time that will be quite vulnerable for me when they haven’t shown me any care or respect at all as the mother of their grandchild during a very difficult pregnancy. I would feel a bit like an incubator!” she wrote.
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In the comments, many readers shared the opinion that the OP is “expecting too much” from her in-laws, gently pointing out that they actually have shown quite a bit of interest in the pregnancy and the baby.
“I think you’re expecting a bit too much. They’ve responded to scans & gifted things. Pregnancy isn’t as all-consuming to others as it is to you, and I say that as someone currently pregnant with their second baby,” one person wrote.
Related: Woman’s Mother-in-Law ‘Shows Up with a Suitcase’ Following Birth of First Baby, Leading to a Tense Conversation
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An upset pregnant woman (stock image)
“I don’t think my own parents did any of this kind of checking in, let alone my in-laws,” another person said.
Someone else asked: “I am not sure what type of checking in you would like? If you were having any problems then I am sure that they would expect their son to update them. How would you like them to be involved exactly, what type of support were you expecting?”
Others, however, were more sympathetic to the OP, including one reader who said they received a similar response from their own in-laws. “A very similar experience! I empathize,” they wrote. “Yes, I’m just waiting for the daily ‘any sign yet?’ texts all of a sudden now that I’m near the end!”
Another chimed in: “Really sorry to hear this. It’s such a vulnerable time, so I’m not surprised you felt that way too. Hope you’re doing better now after your difficult delivery.”
Read the original article on People
