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A man says he made an “amazing” new female friend at work “a few years ago”
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He explains that he and the friend — who are both married with children — had an “instant” connection, noting, “I felt I’d made a new best friend. Almost like a sibling”
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The man — who shared his story on a U.K.-based community site — says that the friend recently revealed she’s in love with him, and he’s now “devastated”
A man says he recently found out that his married female friend developed feelings for him — and he’s “devastated.”
The man detailed his experience in a post on the U.K.-based community site Mumsnet.com, a place where people can go to share their emotions and seek advice on personal dilemmas. In a post entitled “I’m devastated that she loves me,” the man explained that he made an “amazing new [female] friend through work a few years ago.”
The man — who noted that both he and the friend have children and are married to other people — said he always considered their dynamic “completely platonic.”
“I felt I’d made a new best friend. Almost like a sibling,” he explained, adding that they both work in finance and even started a new business venture together outside of work hours.
“We had that instant ‘wow you really get me’ spark,” he said.
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Woman and man talking at work (stock image)
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However, the man said that at a certain point, his friend started “distancing” herself from him, and even seemed to step away from their business endeavor. While he admits he was both “hurt” and “confused” by her actions, he told himself she was likely “just busy.”
“I’d see her every now and again and it was like normal and there was still the feeling that we’d restart the business when we had more time,” he continued.
The problem? The original poster (OP) said the woman “just told me that she is in love with me,” adding, “That’s why she had to cut me out of her life.”
The man, who said he is “very happily married” to his wife, goes on to add that he knows distancing herself from him was “absolutely the right thing to do,” but also admits that “I now feel devastated.”
Related: Groom’s Best Friend Confesses She’s Always Been in Love With Him — Now the Bride Wants to Uninvite Her from Wedding
“I almost feel like I’m grieving. Maybe because I know now we can never be friends again? And I feel so sad for her that she’s in all that pain — and I can’t make it any better,” he added.
“Why am I so sad?” the man asked at the end of his post, adding, “Please help me rationalize this.”
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Woman and man on a couch (stock image)
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Commenters were quick to reassure the OP that his feelings are valid and that it’s completely understandable that he’s saddened by the loss of a friend.
“You are absolutely allowed to grieve the loss of an important friendship and partnership,” one person said. “It sounds like this came completely out of [left field] for you. Please give yourself some time to process. Your friend has had a whole other narrative going on throughout the relationship and you are left to process a ton of new information.”
Related: Bride Upset After Her Friend Whom She Had a Crush on ‘for Years’ Doesn’t Attend Her Wedding
Someone else said: “This is really sad OP. Very rare to make a new friend you really click with in adulthood, and your shared business venture sounded exciting. It’s a big loss for you so be kind to yourself.”
“It’s a disenfranchised loss too as you can’t really talk about your sadness about this to your own wife I’d imagine,” the same person added.
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