Like many parents, I have (un)fond memories of letting my kids cry themselves to sleep at night when they weren’t yet able to get out of bed on their own. Then later, fighting to keep them in their rooms after they’d gotten up for the fifth time. It’s just one component of what makes bedtime feel like a battlefield for families with young kids.
Though our routines are essential, at what point do we just abandon them for our own sanity? One parent took to Reddit to share how quitting on bedtime one night lead to some unexpected results.
Quitters Never Win? It Looks Like This One Did
A Reddit user who posts under the handle u/Inevitable_Tell8668, went into the r/Parenting subreddit to let others in on an impromptu experiment with their 4-year-old daughter who wasn’t going to sleep.
“It’s almost 9pm and we’ve been trying to go to bed for over an hour,” writes the OP. “I just gave up. I said you can do whatever you want, just don’t leave your room. Go to bed when you feel sleepy.”
The OP then describes how their daughter started reading books to her stuffies and having an elaborate tea party.
“Is this a win? A fail? Idk but as a working parent I just really needed to take a shower by myself so…fingers crossed.”
In an update on the post, the OP shares that her daughter “turned off the light, turned on her sound machine and fell asleep 15 minutes after I posted this. Absolutely blown away.”
Other Parents Agree This Kind of Quitting Yields Victory
The Reddit post currently has north of 2.4K upvotes and more than 200 comments. Most of them are from parents who have already tasted the sweet victory of quitting on strict bedtime routines.
“I do this every night. You can’t force someone to fall asleep. You can’t even force yourself to fall asleep,” writes one commenter in part.
Another writes, “Your lovely child gets some peaceful alone time to wonder and pretend. She has nothing in particular to wake up on time for in the morning. How is this not a precious win? This is a small slice of independence for her. Cherish this. Someday it won’t be quiet midnight tea parties with her stuffies.”
One parent shares their own version of a victorious nighttime: “Girl! We decided bedtime between 7:30-8. He came out 400x a night for water, more books, hugs etc and finally I told him he can play in his room if he wants after bath, brush teeth and two books, and we leave the curtains cracked for a little more light… it’s been about 2 months of this and he puts himself to bed within a half hour or so.”
And someone else simply celebrated the W with, “She’s not leaving the room and not on a screen, high five.”
Still, not everyone’s road is as smooth as some others’. One commenter chimes in noting some challenges that a number of parents face, even when they’re willing to be flexible.
“Man I’d kill for this night time routine,” the commenter writes. “Someone please tell me that this is possible for a kid with severe anxiety and ADHD. Mine is 6 and takes a stimulant so that is part of the struggle. My only two friends with neurodivergent kids older than mine are still having sleep issues (ages 9 and 11) so I feel like I’ve given up hope. But what you described is literally my dream.”
Surrender and Failure Aren’t Always the Same
Throwing in the towel due to exhaustion or frustration almost always feels like an L for parents. We don’t like to feel like we’re not in control or that we’re allowing bad habits to set in. But as with cases like the one in this Reddit story, there are plenty of unexpected opportunities for wins when we surrender our routines.
I’m not saying routines are unnecessary. Rather, our rigidity around them is. Since it can be challenging to find a routine that works for you and the stage of life your child is in, it’s easy to lose sight of when it’s no longer working. If your bedtime routine isn’t so nice and neat, so what? When it’s time to waive the white flag and move to something else, our kids will likely communicate that one way or another. If they don’t, our own nervous systems will.
Also, like some of the commenters mention, giving kids some free reign over bedtime might just yield some creative benefits that will help them learn to put themselves to sleep. That’s a win for everyone!
Read the original article on Parents
