It’s not exactly a secret that after pregnancy and childbirth, you can change in extreme ways. It can feel strange and even alienating.
Birthing people often talk about how they feel a loss of identity after becoming a parent. Some may not recognize the person looking back at them in the mirror. This is a totally common, although challenging, aspect of parenthood.
My daughter is nearly 4 and my body is still shaped completely different than it was before I became pregnant; it will never be the same and I just had to accept that at some point. When other parents express how hard it can be to feel so far removed from the person who you were before having kids, I feel immediate sympathy for them.
In a recent Reddit post addressing this phenomenon, a new mom writes, “I couldn’t be happier than when I’m with my baby. I’m happy being a mother, but sometimes it’s hard to feel beautiful.”
Her post doesn’t body shame, imply that moms need to “bounce back,” or live up to impossible beauty standards. It just acknowledges the fact that when your baby is born, you’re not just welcoming a new life into your home, you’re also welcoming a new version of yourself. You’re not just getting to know your baby; you’re getting to know your new self, too.
What Makes New Parents Feel Like Themselves Again?
The OP is prioritizing self-care by going for walks, spending time with friends, and watching her favorite shows, but she still has lingering feelings that she’s “ugly,” and that her husband won’t find her attractive. So she asked her fellow parents to weigh in with perspectives on when they started “to feel like yourself again after having your baby,” and the comment section did not disappoint.
Some pointed to simple, practical solutions that changed their everyday routine.
“Once I bought a pair of jeans that were well fitting in my new size (rather than wait until I fit in my old ones again), I felt amazing,” shares one commenter.
“Just doing my usual makeup routine, putting on clothes I liked, and walking around my office without a baby in hand just made my body feel more like mine,” someone else writes.
Others hit some wholesome emotional high notes. “The way my baby girl looks at me some days I swear I feel like the prettiest mama on the planet,” another commenter says.
Self-Acceptance Is Key but It’s Normal To Feel Uncomfortable, Too
Now, my first impulse is to remind new parents who gave birth that their bodies are super-powered creators of life, and there is absolutely no reason to feel ashamed of the way your body looks after giving birth—no matter what pop culture might tell you.
But it’s totally valid to feel uncomfortable in your body, especially because the messages mothers are sent about their bodies in magazines and social media. It takes a lot of practice to unlearn those harmful messages and build back your self-confidence. It might take more than new clothes that fit to start that journey (finding a therapist who specializes in postpartum challenges is another great first step, for instance).
Taking even the smallest steps to accept and love yourself again, no matter what kind of postpartum experience you have, is essential.
“My body, mind, and spirit were different and that’s ok,” one Reddit commenter writes on the post. “I remember seeing the extra weight and thinking how amazing the female body is.” In terms of messaging about women’s appearances, that’s one I hope we can all get behind.
Their comment ends with a reminder for all people in the throes of postpartum, who are balancing taking care of themselves and a kid: “Be kind to yourself.” In this challenging period of your life, that’s a very important thing to do.
Read the original article on Parents
