The cold open for Quinta Brunson’s May 3 Saturday Night Live episode skipped the surprise cameos that occurred in many from Season 50. Instead, the “Trump Executive Orders Cold Open” leveraged cast member James Austin Johnson’s ace Donald Trump impression to issue joke-heavy commentary on the president’s first 100 days in office.
“Well, it’s been 100 years since I became president — excuse me, days. Wow! Feels longer, but people are saying that what I’ve done so far has single-handedly helped win people elections,” Johnson’s Trump says at the top of the cold open. “Mostly in Canada,” he added, referring to their Conservative party’s defeat in late April.
“I’ve also signed 147 executive orders, everything from banning paper straws to defunding PBS,” he added, citing real executive orders before diving into SNL‘s completely made up ones. “I understand Elmo has now been apprehended by ICE. Brought to you by the letter L for El Salvador; he’s not coming back.”
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Trump then called in his advisor Stephen Miller (Mikey Day) to help announce his latest batch of decrees.
Trump roasts Bill Belichick and his girlfriend in SNL‘s “Executive Orders” cold open
Announcing the “protection of Columbus Day,” Trump declared, “We have to protect Columbus Day for our great Italian American friends like Tony Soprano, Benny Blanco, and Childish Gambino” (granted, only the fictional person of the three is actually Italian).
Another order announced by Day’s Stephen Miller “will make it socially acceptable for a man in his 70s to date a 24-year-old.”
“That’s right. We’re calling it the Belichick law,” Trump agreed, referencing a viral interview with former New England Patriot GM Bill Belichick that was full of interjections from his girlfriend Jordan Hudson.
“We’re gonna make girlfriends young again, okay? Old men can now date far younger women,” Trump added. “We like that. It’s hot — but in reverse, it’s quite disgusting, right? Very Dateline, you know?”
In SNL‘s fictional world, President Trump is evidently a big New York Times Games fan, passing an order to make “Connections” easier, and he’s finally going to do something about America’s ghost problem.
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“We’re sick of the ghosts, right? We don’t like them,” Trump said, revealing he’s visited by three of them every Christmas Eve. “They’re like, ‘Sir, you have to change, you have to change. You did bad things and you have to change’ And I’m like, ‘Stop rattling those chains, okay? I’m trying to enjoy my dark, lonely Christmas Eve.”
Watch “Trump Executive Orders Cold Open” above, and stream all 50 seasons of Saturday Night Live on Peacock anytime.
