Wharton professor Corinne Low’s groundbreaking research and personal insights suggest that for many women, achieving true happiness and societal “having it all” might critically involve re-evaluating or even “subtracting” men from their romantic partnerships. Her work illuminates the often-unseen burdens placed on women in heterosexual relationships, sparking vital conversations about domestic labor, gender economics, and the rising phenomenon of ‘heteropessimism’.
The pursuit of “having it all” – a successful career, a fulfilling family life, and personal happiness – often seems like an elusive dream for modern women. But what if the key to unlocking this ambition lay in a surprising, even radical, act of subtraction? This is the provocative conclusion presented by Corinne Low, a distinguished Wharton professor, whose years of rigorous research and personal experience led her to an “evidence-based decision” to move away from dating men, ultimately finding unprecedented contentment.
Low’s journey, detailed in her book Having It All: What Data Tells Us About Women’s Lives and Getting the Most Out Of Yours, began after her own marriage ended in 2021. She realized that the issue wasn’t just her former husband, but a broader systemic problem. As she articulated for the Daily Mail, “It wasn’t just my husband, but men in general, who couldn’t meet mine or my child’s needs.”
The Unequal Burden: Data-Driven Insights into Household Labor
Low’s research delved deep into household and gender economics, revealing a stark imbalance in the division of labor within heterosexual relationships. Her findings indicate that the amount of time women dedicate to housework significantly decreases after divorce, while for men, the number of hours often increases. This, she argues, is “proof, surely, that men can do it; they just choose not to.”
This insight resonates with many women who share experiences of partners failing to contribute equitably. One user in an online discussion lamented a drastic shift in her husband’s behavior post-marriage and children: “now I’m doing 100% of the cooking and housework while also working a lot more hours than him and paying all of the bills. I deal with 100% of the mental and practical load of the house and the children.” Such anecdotes highlight how marriage can, for some women, transform a seemingly egalitarian partnership into an unexpectedly burdensome arrangement.
The professor’s personal life mirrors her research. After divorcing her husband, Corinne Low married Sondra Woodruff, and they now raise two children together. She noted a tangible shift towards equality in her home the moment a man exited the frame, with tasks shared evenly: she cooks, and her wife handles cleaning and laundry. As she quipped to The Cut, “I’m not physically repulsed by men. I’m socially and politically repulsed.”
The Rise of Heteropessimism and Opting Out of Traditional Marriage
Low’s work brings into focus the concept of heteropessimism, a term coined by theorist Asa Seresin in 2019. It describes the widespread disappointment and frustration that many straight people, particularly women, feel regarding heterosexual relationships. This growing sentiment, Low believes, is a driving force behind the increasing number of women choosing to remain single.
Data supports this trend, showing a significant rise in never-married 40-year-olds, from just 6% in 1980 to 25% in 2021. Low observes that while few women explicitly say there are no men they’d want to marry, many are “opting out of the options that are available.” This highlights a shift from seeking “the one” to prioritizing personal well-being and equitable partnerships.
Community Perspectives on Marriage and Societal Pressure
The online community widely echoes these sentiments. Many women report feeling immense societal pressure to marry and have children. One Redditor expressed the common progression: “everybody expects you to be in a relationship, barely anybody values you falling in love with yourself first. It’s always about when you’ll have a boyfriend, then once you have one the next question is when will you get engaged… and as soon as you’re married people will ask when you’re having kids.” This relentless expectation can push individuals into partnerships that aren’t truly fulfilling.
Men also feel this pressure, with one commenter noting: “as a single man, I always had people asking me about if I was dating, what girls I was interested in, why was I single etc and definitely was made to feel ‘second class’ at times.” This highlights that societal norms around marriage can be restrictive for everyone, not just women.
The notion of marriage being a “con” for some women is sadly prevalent. Personal stories from platforms like Reddit describe partners changing dramatically after marriage and children, transforming from seemingly supportive individuals to abusive or disengaged spouses. One user shared, “the person you’re with changes as life changes. If you’ve never had a partner do a complete 180 on you, it’s difficult to imagine ever experiencing it.”
Redefining Relationships: Beyond Traditional Gender Scripts
Corinne Low acknowledges that completely abandoning men is not a realistic option for many, especially straight women. However, she strongly advocates for a redefinition of relationship dynamics, urging women to “set more boundaries, renegotiate things, reclaim their time, correct leisure inequality.” Her message is clear: “Not everyone needs to get divorced!”
The challenge, Low points out, often lies with men. While women are increasingly aware of the need for change, many men are still grappling with the “loss of their privilege,” remaining in stages of denial and anger regarding the gender revolution. Yet, she remains optimistic that men can eventually reach an “acceptance stage,” recognizing that fixed traditional roles are unsustainable given the significant evolution in women’s roles. “Heterosexuality will always be there,” she asserts, implying that evolving traditional gender roles will create more fulfilling relationships for all parties involved.
The professor’s insights have resonated deeply online, with many expressing long-held feelings of validation. Comments such as “I LOVE this concept and it’s really true” and “I have been waiting for this conclusion to go mainstream” highlight the widespread recognition of these issues. Some even quipped humorously about their own situations, with one person saying, “Maybe I should get a divorce so my wife can live a better life.”
The discourse extends to the evolving role of women in the workforce. An older Forbes article from 2006, suggesting that marrying “career women” increases the risk of divorce, reveals a persistent, traditional mindset. However, contemporary discussions on platforms like Reddit largely reject this view, with many asserting that both genders should be financially capable and contribute. Critics argue that insisting women give up careers is “weird and misogynistic” and often comes from “sexists (usually with flailing careers of their own, ironically).”
This evolving societal landscape underscores Corinne Low’s central message: that women are increasingly unwilling to accept “unfairly labor-intensive, functionally unsustainable deals” in both their professional and personal lives. The path to “having it all” for women may indeed involve a deliberate, evidence-based restructuring of relationships to foster true equality and personal well-being.
