A few years ago, we told you about a mother who admitted that voluntarily involved grandparents are a true blessing for any parent and that you can only thank heaven and these grandparents for their truly priceless help. However, sometimes, many moms and dads begin to take such help for granted.
The story we’re going to tell you today is actually one of this kind. Its author, the user Starlightbright200, expects help from her numerous relatives after the birth of her third child, and gets sincerely offended when someone refuses her this help. However, let’s not get ahead of ourselves in our tale.
More info: Mumsnet
The author of the post recently gave birth to her third child and expected help from her numerous relatives
Image credits: Keira Burton / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The lady’s elderly mom came and stayed there for a few weeks, but she obviously got very tired
Image credits: Starlightbright200
Image credits: EyeEm / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The mom decided to invite her father-in-law to come and help them on the weekend, but faced an unexpected refusal
Image credits: Starlightbright200
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The man started giving various excuses, and finally, he’s having a party at work and will be so tired after that
Image credits: Starlightbright200
Image credits: pixel-shot.com / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The lady tried to get her husband involved in persuasions, but the son also failed to coax Dad to change his plans
Image credits: Starlightbright200
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The woman was offended and devastated – especially since her father-in-law is actually a decent grandpa
Image credits: Starlightbright200
So the spouses decided to take it online, seeking public support and advice
So, the Original Poster (OP) tells us that she and her husband recently had a third child, and since then, she has been actively involving her mom in helping with taking care of the kids and around the house. The elderly lady (she’s in her early 70s) has been living in their house for the last couple of weeks, but age is taking its toll—and now she’s very tired, so the mom of three is looking for a replacement.
She chose her father-in-law, who is almost ten years younger than her mom, and was always happy to spend time with his grandkids when she and the children came to visit him. This gentleman lives about two hours away from our heroine, and she asked him directly if he could come to visit them for the weekend… and help with everything.
But the father-in-law began to dodge this trip in every possible way – even for one day, in the end quite openly stating that he would have a party at work that weekend, and that he would eat and drink all day, and in general would be very… well, tired. Even the offer to pay for his travel, there and back, didn’t tempt the grandpa to change his plans.
The author’s husband also decided to call his dad and try to persuade him to come, but he still started throwing out various excuses like “I hate trains,” “I hate London,” and whatnot. As a result, the son gave up these useless attempts, and the couple simply decided to ask for advice online about how unreasonable their requests looked in general and whether the behavior of our heroine’s FIL in this situation was justified.
Image credits: SHVETS production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
“In any case, parenting and taking care of the children is, first of all, the responsibility of the parents and no one else,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, with whom Bored Panda got in touch for a comment on this case. “Of course, if the grandparents themselves express a free will to help, this is nothing but great, but you shouldn’t overuse this under any circumstances.”
“In this situation, as we can see, the grandfather tried in every way to make it clear that he didn’t want to come, didn’t want to change his own plans – but neither the son nor his wife could, or didn’t want to understand his hints. By the way, they were quite transparent hints. So he had to speak directly – but then, quite predictably, they took offense at him.”
By the way, many people in the comments also sided with the father-in-law rather than the original poster, noting that the grandparents aren’t actually obligated to help her with the kids and around the house, and that voluntary help cannot be perceived as an obligation. Thus, if the FIL has his own plans for the weekend, no one should actually force him to change these plans.
Moreover, many responders even stated that the author obviously expects too much help from her relatives and that it would be better for her to just let her poor mom go home and try to rely on her own and on her spouse in the future. After all, it’s their family and their responsibility. So what do you, our dear readers, think about this story? Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.
People in the comments, however, mostly sided with the FIL, claiming that parenting and taking care of the kids is only the parents’ responsibility
