Wedding Planner Reveals the Common Ceremony Tradition Many Couples Are Now Choosing to Forgo originally appeared on Parade.
Weddings can be such a big production, even if they’re on the smaller side. There is a lot to plan and there are many details to consider. And sometimes, with all the hullabaloo of your upcoming nuptials, you might lose sight of what’s really important: you and your partner. And not just you two, but what you both want out of your wedding. That’s why some modern weddings are forgoing old traditions, or putting their own unique spin on them.
One trend includes changing when and where you exchange vows, and it’s gaining traction. It’s a surprising tweak that’s perfect if you and your partner want to write deeply personal vows, but don’t feel like sharing them with your audience of wedding guests.
To learn more, Parade spoke to Amy Shack Egan. She is the founder of Cheersy, a digital marketplace to book a day-of wedding coordinator, and owner of Modern Rebel, a full-service wedding planning company, “helping couples rewrite the rules.” She gives more insight into what a ceremony would look like after this change, along with other rituals that some people are not incorporating into their weddings anymore.
Whether you’re just curious about the way contemporary wedding ceremonies are changing in 2025 or you’re taking notes for your own upcoming nuptials, these trends will likely leave you feeling inspired and empowered.
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The Common Wedding Ceremony Tradition Couples Are Getting Rid Of
While more people are moving away from classic ceremonies, even those who opt for a big, “traditional” wedding in 2025 and beyond may get rid of a significant wedding ceremony custom. And that is a public vow exchange. Shack Egan tells Parade that this change comes from a couple’s desire to bask in their love privately.
“For a lot of couples, the attention that’s on them on the day of a wedding can be overwhelming,” she explains. “Privately exchanging their vows is one way they can feel like themselves on a day that can otherwise feel a little bit of an out-of-body experience (especially for introverts).”
But another reason for this trend is that it gives the couple a chance to have a moment for themselves and their love and commitment to each other.
“Exchanging vows privately also allows them to keep intimacy at the core of the event and remind them why they’re hosting this event at all,” she says.
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This particular reason is why a lot of people are now turning to private vows. For example, TikTok user @aubriecrivaro posted about how she and her husband did private vows on their wedding day, and it was her “favorite part of the day” because it was “so intimate and special.”
“We were so present, just the two of us,” she finished in her on-screen caption.
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What the new ceremony looks like
In a non-denominational ceremony, the declaration of intent and vow exchange come after the opening remarks and readings, but before the ring exchange, pronouncement and first kiss. So, what does it look like if a couple chooses to forgo the vows during the wedding itself? Do they do them privately beforehand or after? In Shack Egan’s experience, “it can go either way.”
“… But it’s usually right before the ceremony or right after. More often, before, but occasionally, after,” she says. “They usually take 15-20 minutes just for themselves to have that sacred time alone to really ground themselves on what matters most.”
Another popular trend, “the first look” (when couples see each other after they finish getting ready but before the ceremony), can be incorporated into this private vow exchange as well (but it doesn’t have to be).
“It can totally work if they’ve had a first look,” she explains. “A lot of times, [it] will just come after that moment (but after family photos too).”
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Other people might choose to do their private vows before they even get ready, like TikTok user @kirstenalescio. She posted in June about how she and her husband-to-be exchanged vows before they “parted ways for the day.”
“I was sobbing, so I’m glad we didn’t do that in front of everyone,” she wrote in her caption.
But again, if you aren’t doing a first look and don’t want to do it at the start of your day, you can still do private vows; it would just have to be after the ceremony, Shack Egan says.
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4 Other New Wedding Elements Some Modern Couples Are Adopting
Exchanging vows privately—not during the wedding ceremony—isn’t the only major change that some couples are making in their modern weddings.
1. More than one officiant
Typically, nuptials have just one person officiating the wedding ceremony. This can be a priest or minister if it’s a Christian wedding, or someone who’s officially ordained or legally allowed to officiate a wedding (a justice of the peace, judge, government official, etc.). But Shack Egan shares that more people are choosing two officiants for equal representation.
“I’ve seen a lot of couples opting for more than one officiant so that both their sides are represented,” she says. “Meaning, one of the marrier’s friends is one of the officiants and the other marrier’s friend is the co-officiant.”
2. Inclusive language
It’s typical to think of “I now pronounce you husband and wife!” as the seal-the-deal statement before the big wedding kiss. But not every couple getting hitched is heterosexual or wants such binary language.
“I also see a lot of couples opting for more modern language like: ‘You may now kiss one another!’ versus just ‘Kiss the bride,’” Shack Egan says.
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3. The procession
Just because something has always been one way doesn’t mean that you have to keep it that way for your special day. This includes how you enter.
“I’ve also loved seeing the creative ways couples process into a ceremony,” she says. “With so many couples forgoing wedding parties, they are walking in solo, together or with both their parents.”
4. Adding a room to chill
“I once had an introverted couple have a room just for introverts to take a break from the party hustle and bustle,” Shack Egan shares. “I thought it was brilliant and the room did get used a lot!”
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The Best Advice a Wedding Planner Has for Couples Who Want To Do Things Their Way
Deviating from the “norm” can feel awkward, and if you’re usually the go-with-the-flow type or someone who doesn’t want to ruffle feathers, it can be daunting. How will it be perceived? Will people think it’s weird that you’re not going with a traditional ceremony?
It’s understandable to feel like you could be putting people off with your changes, especially if you’re getting rid of something so traditional in a wedding like vows. However, Shack Egan says to “go for it!” and not look back.
“This is usually the first time you’re spending this much time, energy and money on an event, and the last thing you want is to walk in and for it not to feel reflective of who you two are as individuals and as a couple,” she shares. “Trust me, your guests will feel that too. Lean into authenticity even if it’s not the way you’ve seen it done.”
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Source:
Amy Shack Egan, founder of Cheersy, a digital marketplace to book a day-of wedding coordinator, and owner of Modern Rebel, a full-service wedding planning company, “helping couples rewrite the rules.”
Wedding Planner Reveals the Common Ceremony Tradition Many Couples Are Now Choosing to Forgo first appeared on Parade on Jul 12, 2025
This story was originally reported by Parade on Jul 12, 2025, where it first appeared.
