NEED TO KNOW
A woman in Scotland revealed that she lives with her two ex-husbands
46-year-old Kristie De Garis explained how the unlikely living situation came to be and how living together removed the burden of traditional gender roles
“My daughters are growing up watching domestic labour shared fairly,” she wrote
A woman is opening up about how living with her two ex-husbands lightened her load at home.
In a Tuesday, June 24 essay for The Times, 46-year-old Kristie De Garis revealed how she’s able to live with her two former husbands and their daughters in Scotland.
“Yes, we all live together. Me, my first ex-husband, my second ex-husband and our two daughters (one from each marriage), in a pebble-dashed, gravel drive, four-bedroom house in rural Scotland,” De Garis wrote.
She continued, “Sure, there are bathroom bottlenecks, and the ongoing mystery of who used the last of the coffee. And with three main suspects in the mix, there are many morning arguments over who needs to don slippers, coat and scarf and trudge down to the village post office to buy more.”
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Stock image of the landscape in Scotland
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De Garis revealed that she married her first husband at the age of 21 shortly before they welcomed their first child together. However, after a few years, they decided to part ways.
She then met her second husband a few years later, with them tying the knot and welcoming a daughter.
“Older, more committed to trying, we bought a house together, co-parented two kids and separated just before the pandemic,” she wrote.
The pair ultimately decided to continue living in the same house since they weren’t able to “afford to split properly.”
“He took the downstairs bedroom, I took upstairs, and the kids kept their own spaces. There were tensions, of course,” she admitted. “The same arguments over cleaning styles, spending, parenting, and then the steady awkwardness of long-term proximity but from a romantic distance.”
However, De Garis was still left being the “the unacknowledged project manager” of the house and continued to cook and do all the chores while holding down her job. She ultimately decided it might be easier if her first ex-husband, who had been struggling to make ends meet, moved in, too.
“My pitch to Ex No 2 hit all the high notes. More time, more support, less stress, less mess, less nagging. His fantasy,” she said. “Almost mine. So when I asked, he said, yes, he was willing to try. We spoke to the kids, both of whom were thrilled, and that was that.”
De Garis revealed that the household found their “new rhythm” very quickly with there being less pressure in the home.
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Stock image of three people standing together in Scotland
Despite the better balance, the trio still dealt with some tensions, especially in the area of cooking. De Garis decided that she would no longer be the cook of the house until her ex-husbands learned some culinary skills.
“Suffice to say, that didn’t go well,” she said. “I was unreasonable, reactionary. I was selfish.”
Despite the protests, both of her ex-husbands now help with cooking throughout the week. That’s not the only way that they split household labor, either.
“One of them always vacuums the stairs on the weekend. One of them regularly freshens up the downstairs bathroom,” she wrote. “I put laundry in the machine, forget about it — wet, unspun — and find it dried and folded in the basket. The dishwasher gets unloaded before I even notice it is on.”
She added, “And maybe even more radical: my daughters are growing up watching domestic labour shared fairly.”
“We’re not a sitcom. We’re not saints. We’re three adults who care about the same two kids and decided that getting along was better than burning it all down or burning out,” De Garis admitted.
PEOPLE exclusively reported about another woman who lives with her husband, their son, her ex-husband and their daughter.
Read the original article on People
