Common courtesy and good manners exist beyond the South, of course, but for many Southerners, our approach to etiquette and politeness is a value to which we cling tooth and nail. Yes, we might be willing to divulge Grandpa Joe’s top-secret punch recipe, but we will not be giving up our handwritten thank-you notes, thank you very much. For many of us, it’s a very tenet of life in this part of the world: We warmly greet passersby on the street, hold the door for whomever is coming in behind us, and offer our chairs to those who may need them more. But even so, times are changing, and certain social mores and rules have fallen by the wayside. Knowing that y’all are a particularly opinionated bunch, we asked our readers: “What etiquette rules do you think are outdated?” And naturally, y’all had a lot to say.
These Etiquette Rules Are Outdated, According to Our Readers
If you’re of the camp that all etiquette rules everywhere should be etched into stone, you might want to sit down. These are the etiquette rules that some folks said could use a little refinement within today’s context.
Dress Code Guidelines
There was a general consensus that some of the more rigid style rules of the past no longer apply. For starters, many of our readers deemed wearing white after Labor Day to be perfectly appropriate now—and something worth fighting for. Wrote one reader, “I live in Florida and it’s too hot to follow that rule. Plus, there’s a lot of cute white clothing that people shouldn’t have to needlessly shelf for months. I wear my fave white denim shorts whenever I want to, and if I catch anyone blessing my heart, I will very properly challenge them to a duel.” (Proper duel etiquette remains important, it seems.)
Others noted that wedding wear has also shifted. “According to my mother, wearing black to a wedding meant you didn’t approve of the marriage. That is definitely outdated now,” wrote another reader. She’s right; just remember to save black attire for formal or black-tie weddings. Wearing red to weddings is also acceptable these days, our readers say, so long as the dress isn’t flashy or doesn’t pull focus from the bride. Wearing white, cream, or ivory to a wedding, however, remains strictly off limits.
Who Hosts The Shower
Some people are adamant that the immediate family of a bride or parent-to-be should never host the shower, suggesting that such a move seems self-serving or like a greedy call for gifts. At least a few of our readers disagreed with this sentiment, noting that these are often the people who are closest to the celebrant and sometimes may be the best or only option to entertain. We tend to agree with this more modern position. As long as you’re not throwing your own shower, we’re all for being celebrated by the ones you love, however they’re related to you.
Terms of Respect
There were the brave few who said they’re not sticklers about “ma’am” and “sir,” noting that the words aren’t essential to showing respect, and they’re not alone: One of our own Memphis-born contributors has waffled on the subject herself.
This Highly Specific Mandate
“According to George Washington’s book on etiquette [Rules of Civility],” wrote one reader, “It is improper to spit into the fireplace of your host. I think that would pretty much be obsolete today.” We’d like to think it’s only archaic because in the year of our Lord 2024 everyone knows better than to spit anywhere, in front of anyone. But if you’re fuzzy on why this is a rule, please be in touch. We’re happy to walk you through it.
These Etiquette Rules Will Never Be Outdated, According to Our Readers
Good news: An appreciation of good graces isn’t going anywhere, at least in our neck of the woods. Our audience was quick to pipe up, sharing this overarching sentiment: “Good manners are never outdated.” It’s still polite to write a thank-you note, take your baseball cap off inside, and treat everyone around you with decency and respect.
“Know and use as many of them as you can. Manners are free. The outcome of using manners is priceless.”
Southern Living Reader
Even so, while proper etiquette is something our readers, like us, hold in high esteem, they’re quick to point out that they’re not necessarily seeing these good graces put into practice. Commented one, “People as a whole have just stopped using manners in general and are altogether feral.” It calls to mind Clairee Belcher’s famed quip from Steel Magnolias, “The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.” Perhaps if she’d swapped “accessorize” for “practice polite etiquette,” we might not be in this mess.
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