10 Phrases ‘Poor Communicators’ Often Use in Everyday Conversation, According to Psychologists originally appeared on Parade.
You’ve likely heard that communication is a pillar of healthy relationships. Well, psychologists aren’t here to disagree.
“Communication is an inescapable part of our lives, and effective communication is paramount to being successful in professional and personal settings,” reports Dr. Jan Miller, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks.
Every once in a while, it’s beneficial to check in with ourselves—are we communicating effectively these days?
“Having poor communication skills can erode trust, weaken relationships, cause mistakes and increase conflict,” she warns. “Basically, good communication is the foundation for relationships that are filled with respect, trust and success.”
Phrases that poorly express our needs, intent and opinions can easily seep into everyday conversation. Awareness is key to communicating effectively, so psychologists share 10 statements that “poor communicators” commonly use in everyday conversations, along with tips for getting your point across like a pro.
Related: An Etiquette Expert Is Begging People To Stop This ‘Rude’ Habit During Small Talk
10 Phrases ‘Poor Communicators’ Use Often, According to Psychologists
1. “If you say so.”
This phrase is just… not the vibe.
“This can come off as sarcastic or dismissive,” reveals Dr. Sanam Hafeez, Psy.D., a neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind. “It often means the person disagrees but doesn’t want to explain why, which leads to unresolved tension.”
2. “You always/never…”
These qualifiers are becoming more common in an increasingly polarized world. One psychologist wishes they were not.
“The all-or-nothing wording exaggerates reality and pushes the other person into self-defense mode instead of reflection,” warns Dr. Tom McDonagh, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist. “People use this all-or-nothing style when they feel unheard and want emphasis, but it’s unhelpful because the other person will likely start thinking of a counterexample, instead of hearing the concern.”
Related: 12 of the Best ‘I Statements’ To Use in Arguments, According to Psychologists
3. “Calm down.”
This phrase often has the opposite effect, making the person on the receiving end even more upset.
“It implies their feeling is illegitimate,” Dr. McDonagh points out. “Speakers often use it when they feel uncomfortable with strong affect and want quick relief. Unfortunately, it sends the message, ‘Your reaction is the problem,’ rather than, ‘Let me try to hear you.'”
Related: A Columbia-Trained Psychiatrist Reveals How To Vent Without Annoying Anyone
4. “Forget it.”
This is also often said with a massive, unforgettable sigh (which doesn’t help the message you’re sending).
“This usually comes after frustration and signals that the person is giving up on the conversation,” Dr. Hafeez says. “It leaves things unresolved and can make others feel dismissed or unimportant.”
5. “No offense, but…”
People are often offended not only by what comes after these three words, but also by the phrase itself.
“This typically signals that something offensive is coming and the speaker is unwilling to own it,” Dr. McDonagh reports. “The phrase is meant to sound polite, but often has the opposite effect. The harm is a subtle erosion of psychological safety.”
Related: 11 Signs You Might Be ‘Socially Inept,’ According to Psychologists
6. “You’re being too sensitive.”
As with “No offense, but…,” people often use this phrase in an attempt to skirt responsibility for what they say.
“Poor communicators may use this phrase as a defense mechanism, as well as for avoidance reasons,” Dr. Miller says. “While some people may use this phrase with the intention of providing helpful feedback, it typically leaves the recipient feeling like their emotions are wrong and problematic.”
Related: People Who Were Told They Were ‘Too Sensitive’ as Children Usually Develop These 14 Traits as Adults, Psychologists Say
7. “I was just kidding.”
Again, it’s often best to own your words and actions and offer an apology when needed.
“Humor is healthy, but in some circumstances, this phrase can become a shield for hurtful or poorly timed remarks,” Dr. McDonagh notes. “It invalidates the impact by claiming benign intent. People lean on it to dodge accountability, but the listener registers minimization and may withdraw trust.”
8. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Nuance is needed for this phrase.
“Depending on the context of this phrase, it can mean that the person truly lacks understanding, but poor communicators may use this phrase to dismiss the other person or to avoid a specific topic or situation,” Dr. Miller explains. “For those who are trying to communicate that they don’t understand, it would be helpful to provide more context about what parts are not being understood.”
9. “You wouldn’t understand.“
Maybe… but also, maybe not. Either way, Dr. Hafeez does not recommend using this phrase.
“Saying this creates a wall between people,” she warns. “It can make the listener feel excluded or unintelligent, even if that wasn’t the intent.”
10. “I guess.”
Can you guess the pitfalls of this one?
“Saying this shows uncertainty or lack of interest in making a decision,” Dr. Hafeez states. “It can make others feel like they have to do all the thinking or that their input doesn’t matter.”
Related: ‘I’ve Been an Etiquette Expert for Almost 20 Years—Here’s the #1 Phrase to End a Conversation Without Making It Awkward’
3 Tips for Improving Your Communication Skills
1. Practice active listening
Dr. Miller notes that active listening is one of the most effective ways to demonstrate good communication skills.
“Active listening involves paying attention to what the other person is saying, both through their words and their non-verbal behaviors, with the only goal of better understanding what they are saying,” she explains. “Oftentimes, we listen with the goal of being able to respond, which means that we don’t actually hear what the other person is saying.”
She says listening to respond instead of to understand can cause miscommunication and conflict, weakening relationships.
2. Try a two-second pause before replying
There’s power in a pause.
“Rapid, reactive speech will likely increase misunderstandings,” Dr. McDonagh says. “Pausing lets your prefrontal cortex catch up, so you can choose language that fits your intention. Try to exhale fully before you speak. The breath itself gives you pause and calms physiological arousal.”
3. Pay attention to tone and body language
It’s not just about what you say, but how you say it (with your voice and your body).
“A sharp tone or crossed arms can send the wrong message, even if your words are polite,” Dr. Hafeez says.
Up Next:
Related: 15 Phrases to Politely End a Conversation, According to Psychologists
Sources:
Dr. Jan Miller, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks
Dr. Sanam Hafeez, Psy.D., a neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind
Dr. Tom McDonagh, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist
10 Phrases ‘Poor Communicators’ Often Use in Everyday Conversation, According to Psychologists first appeared on Parade on Jul 17, 2025
This story was originally reported by Parade on Jul 17, 2025, where it first appeared.
